Wednesday, April 19, 2017


Hey there lovelies!

Today, we are going to do something very different. Well, not so different from what I used to do here... Anyway, I am going to spend my time admiring the husband the Lord gave to me. No, it's not Valentine's but I am going to take time loving the numerous reasons why John was the chosen one and why that matters every single minute of my life. 

He probably doesn't even know that I took a pause at some point yesterday in deep thought just admitting how much of a genius I married. His genius is almost always masked under his humility, so it is the hardest thing to see until you hear him speak. Which is actually one of the things that attracted and endeared me to him. His wisdom is of no class (I am not blowing things out of proportion). His kindness is second to none. His patience is my nemesis, literally. Haha

We both can be perfectionists but his leniency teaches me everyday to become a better person and to be more selfless as I grow. My husband is a Computer guru(I can't stand coding), but he is passionate about it. It is a blessing to watch him soar higher in his career. He knows what He wants and I watch how He accomplishes these things. With my help as his partner, I can only hope to make it a smooth process.

I mean as much as I can be a woman of my own, I can't help but wonder what He actually sees in me. You know that 'I can do bad all by myself' euphoria that we often get, well sometimes I get in my single motherhood zone and even take for granted the need for a partner. You know to be honest, it feels like all of a sudden, I am aware of this power house that lives with me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate him but this awareness is what helps a woman genuinely RESPECT her husband. I am dancing in excitement because I know I needed this one.🙈

I am a creative camera in this moment capturing this appreciation I feel and I just must pen this one. There are many ways I can demonstrate this to my hubby of course, but the writer in me can't help but be intrigued by the art of the moment. Nostalgic to say the least.

Still on the hubz though. One of his gifts is teaching. I am yet to meet anyone as sound as my husband when he teaches. Our children benefit from this gift and of course when I humble myself, I always learn from it... 😂😂🤣🤣. He always seems to mean well for me of course, after all, you represent the Gwan family; He says! I guess you can already picture the agree to disagree moments. Thankfully I never have to deal with violence with my hubby. Hmmmmn... I went there 😜🙊.

(Hehe, this caption though)

I want to believe that when we stop appreciating people or seeing with the eyes of understanding who and what they are, we abuse them consciously or not. You can flip this either way, man or woman. The abuse of a gift becomes inevitable when understanding is lacking. I remember when I thought I had no value because I was mistreated and abused. Little did I know that my pearl was only cast to swines. 
If you must be valued, you must place value in the deciding whom you give yourself to. Not just that, value whom you are given to in return. Valuing each other in a relationship is enough spice to keep your romance fresh. 

The little things that my husband does is my romance. Running the bath water or caring for the kids... I realize how blessed I am to be married to such an Angel. I realize that if I spend more time aligning, I would have transformed to the woman God wants me to be. Sometimes it's hard to see when I spend time trying to prove that I have a voice and I want to have my way. This thought process is exactly what any marriage needs, to see as one. It is always easier said than done, but with prayers and the right mindset, success is undeniable.

One time, the female young adults at my Church had this intimate discussion and my Pastor Toyin broke down Ephesians 5:33 to us when thinking or speaking of RESPECT. I have marked in red the responsibility of a woman when it comes to submission. It is not subjugation and it has absolutely nothing to do with being feminist. It is a clear duty of Love and I for one remind myself of my duty daily. The truth is nothing matters to a man, especially my own husband more than his respect. Respect means a whole lot as we grow into marriage.

 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

My husband and I are mostly opposites in persona but very alike than we know it. He is the strength to my weakness and I his. I celebrate my King today. I am awed by your love daily. 
I just hope to do more as long as I live. I see and celebrate all of his strengths and weaknesses, for choosing to be vulnerable with me and for trusting me enough to walk with me. My husband is the only man besides my late dad and my brother and my sons(LOL) that I know that can tolerate my excesses and for that I am GRATEFUL.

So, dearest woman, take a moment to appreciate that man for every moment he has loved you and tolerated ALL of YOU!

Enjoy Breathe by Bez ft Simi.

Live, Love, Laugh

Kemi Gwan.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017


First I'd like to celebrate my savior, the one who welded my destiny and crowned it with a voice to all nations. I celebrate the death and the resurrection of our Lord Jesus, for without that sacrifice, I would be damned! Literally! So I declare Him my worthy King 👑 this Easter. 

So, in that Spirit, I wanted to share freely and celebrate everyone of you for reading, commenting and even reaching out during the course of last week till now. I realize that my blog last week opened me up to a new reality. A reality that I can go through the storms of life with my head up and some tears even, but still, I'm winning. Most times I am like the animal who marks its territory within close proximity to avoid preys or danger. I realize that there is no true courage until you are faced with your worst fear. 

In fact there is no next level until you have absolutely endured a test and made it through. I for one had to repent a lot these past few weeks because I realize that I hold on when God wants me to let go and I give up when He wants me to hold on.. In the face of frustration, I tend to chicken out and just give up hope. Thank God for a partner who is just the opposite of me. Beyond my weakness, I realized something special also, I have been given Grace to confront issues that arise no matter how difficult they seem. That's the courage that comes from knowing the Lord.

You might be wondering why things seem a little gloomy 😔. Your confidence zapped out and you have no idea how to continue. I assure you, it is the tiny droplets that amount to a mighty fountain. You might even say, I have a dream and I should be living that dream. The truth is, you are living that dream by walking the process. Everything, your strength, your weakness, the process, the disappointments, the highs and lows are all working together. If you ever doubt that, be reminded right now. You are not a failure.. your plans may fail, but you ought to trust that you can try multiple times if you are ready. 

I am in my process, and nothing is more important than the decision I make today, right now, this moment. The decision I make right now will affect two, five years from today. Sometimes we worry so hard about tomorrow that we forget to put in our best today. A forgiveness, mercy, kindness and love sown today will reap multiple fruits tomorrow.

I challenge you to live today, smile today, try again today.. give that marriage another try today, give your spouse another try today.. take it one step at a time today. Give that education a shot. Think it through today. Your decision today affects tomorrow. Once again, we are responsible for our choices. Respond with positivity even when everything around you points in the opposite direction.

I guess, this is testament that I am wayyyyy better than where I was last week Wednesday. I can almost taste the feeling of that depressed state. And compare to where I am sitting and typing with all smiles on my face, you would see that Life is built with a gift for each day, if we look hard enough. It might not appear great but if you are sensitive enough, you'll know it's all working together for your good.

Listen to Happy by Pharrell...

Live, Love, Laugh a lot Today!

Kemi Gwan.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017


Happy April readers!
I was about to call it a night on this blessed Wednesday when I realized I had not posted today. I had not posted because I had too much going on personally that I had to deal with. Don't we all? 😩😌

With tears running down my cheeks, I was encapsulated in moments of anger and deep frustration because I had been mostly misunderstood, ill-treated or not heard. Moments of extreme darkness like my childhood dream, where I was falling endlessly with no light in sight. 

This picture I painted is what anger and bitterness does to the soul. You carry it and everything around you becomes infested until it dies. A small seed germinates and becomes a living tree that has taken root. You wonder if there is ever a soul that listens. Even prayers seem not to work. As humans we can be overwhelmingly sweet and bitter. We possess the power to create and destroy. It is with this mindset that I write tonight. 

It is so much easy to keep pretending that I am whole or to be honest and keep picking the broken pieces of my life one after the other. I realize that life is too short to dwell on the hurts I feel or the moments I feel slighted and undermined. A little voice inside my head screams for the light even at my weakest. I want to be daring, I want to be strong but I am just another girl, yes powerful, yet so fragile.  

Perhaps, you are one like me, who seeks to please everyone and in the end feels the most rejection. You seek to have a friend but you just end up getting hurt. But you know recently, God started dealing with all that within. Stripped me away from my comfort zone and showed me my true self. I was shocked at how foolish I could be, thinking that a million friendship could satisfy or heal me and how much more I still have to learn...#BigSigh

I am woman like you and I need to be seen, held and reminded and cheered up unto the finish line in this man's world. Yea, so I think.. Maybe all that shouldn't be my focus.
No, I don't want to be bitter and angry all the time, just given a little credit and be listened to I say.. still arrant nonsense.. Maybe, I got it all wrong! Maybe, just maybe I am not focusing my energy right.

These are the rambling thoughts we often struggle with, maybe yours might be slightly different, but this is my reality right now. I don't know who this might help but know that you are not alone in this world and that seasons come and go! First comes darkness and then there's light. First comes the hurt and bitterness then comes forgiveness and healing. I realize the happiest people aren't those without offenses or frustration but those who acknowledge offenses for what they are and master control over it.

As a woman, I am telling myself today I am enough, I am beautiful, I am special! I will wear this light like it is the last thing I must today. I would have won this battle if there was no tomorrow,  just because I chose to celebrate this moment of light! This moment where I recognize that I am not without flaws and I am imperfect,  yet I choose to forgive all this hurt and let go every bitterness in exchange for light.

Dear woman, inhale, exhale and choose to win! That is the power you and I share! The power to carry light and walk light. Exchange every baggage for something lighter. We forgive not because we are better than those who offend us but because we hope to receive the same fair treatment when we err against others. 

Dearest woman! Take a moment and pride yourself in your serenity today. Perhaps, it is a little flawed, then I dare you to let go and breathe freely like I am right now. We are not promised a forever but we are promised eternity. And I promise you, the people we care about the most possess the power to hurt us the most. So, you see, you must carry enough light for all these special people. 

You all are my WCW today!

Listen if you can to India Arie's I am Light.

Live the best you can while loving all and never forget to laugh out loud. 

Kemi Gwan 

Wednesday, March 29, 2017


Today as we wrap up on women in ministry, I want to give a special shout out to all mothers, all women that represent the future, you are celebrated. To all the women who work hard to serve in God's vineyard, I truly pray that the Lord our rewarder will bless us indeed!
A special thank you to all my readers around the Globe, you make this page heart warming for me. So much love in my heart for y'all.

I wanted to share something about the heart of man(male and female). The heart is the most important part of the body. It works hard pumping oxygenated blood to and from the valves and arteries to all the parts of the body. Life ceases when the heart stops beating, so you see why it is the most important. 

If you have an idea, it might probably start from the head, but the heart is what will manage the birthing character of its success. Whatever actions we display starts from the heart. Thoughts and emotions are filtered through the heart. Hence, it must be guarded at all cost. One wrong misguided thought in the heart can destroy an entire race.

Women, let's analyze a woman like us, Michal, King Saul's daughter..

“As the ark of the Lord came into the City of David, Michal, Saul's daughter [David's wife], looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, and she despised him in her heart.”
2 Samuel 6:16 AMPC

The heart is no respecter of persons 😊. Royalty or pauper, everyone has a heart, which makes us very equal. Michal was royalty, but was obviously not privy to how to teach her heart or guide it with pleasantries. Just like her father, Saul, she seemed to have a problem celebrating others. She despised her own husband(I had to pause to think about my husband). Have I ever despised my husband for doing something I am not accustomed to? This is very dangerous! Lord help me and forgive me if I have.

The heart is a place you train hard to focus on good not evil. The heart of man(male and female) is a battle ground. Good and evil battle to prevail per second and without something positive filtering through, the opposite of positive lurks around to take predominance. 

Now verse 20: “Then David returned to bless his household. And [his wife] Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, How glorious was the king of Israel today, who stripped himself of his kingly robes and uncovered himself in the eyes of his servants' maids as one of the worthless fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”
2 Samuel 6:20 AMPC

Michal's heart is revealed. She couldn't hide what had taken place in her heart. She had become that thought. Most of the time, we are what we do. Either consciously or unconsciously, we are what we think, say and practically do.
The heart is where God's judgement takes place. He focuses on the choice we make per time. Our choices first takes place in the unseen place, the heart, before it manifests physically. 

Understanding the heart should be everyone's priority, since it is what matters to God.
For me, I have my struggles and sometimes I break down at the thoughts I struggle with. Sometimes, I wonder why they are there in the first place. Like why can't I just be pure? 😭. That question is not as pertinent as the choice as I make though. So, right back to reality!
I used to justify my lash outs because I thought it was better than bearing a grudge in my heart. Half the time, what I say during those lash outs are unrealistic and untrue but they come out anyway and do damages. While it is true that grudges are just as bad, it is still a matter of discipline and training what the heart is permitted to filter through and how we handle the outcome.

Now, take a minute at your desk, or on your bed. Touch your heart and say a prayer for your heart. If you fumbled today, then tomorrow is another day. What you allow into your heart really matters and will dictate your future. 

For Michal: it was a very very sad ending.

“And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.”
2 Samuel 6:23 AMPC

This is what despising others and hate can do to a person's soul. Some people have suffered and might still suffer the consequences of not guarding their heart to the Light of Love. The heart is our responsibility, not God's. 
Out of our hearts flows the issues of LIFE! Are you doing the guarding daily? 


Live, Love, Laugh 

Kemi Gwan. 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


There is something powerful about the woman!
 I wanted to take the time out to celebrate another sweet and powerful woman of God in Ministry who has impacted my life, my family and my ministry. Your efforts were never wasted and I say thank you. 

Pastor Dupe, is like a mother to me. She is one of my spiritual mothers and I am her very daughter 😊. Always on the look out to help and celebrate God's gift. Countless times, she goes above and beyond. No wonder she is an excellent Pediatrician. This awesome woman is also married to an awesome Pastor and they have beautiful children. So, once again, she's the entire package and does it excellently. Mentoring women and children by Grace.

Today, I wanted to delve into some lessons learned in my devotion, during the course of the week. In the book of Luke 2, I was able to compare two vital factors. It is possible for you to eat and drink in the sanctuary from all the consecrated bowls and still have no idea who God is, in fact, have zero faith in His word or what He can do and take it for granted. 

Zechariah was a priest who had served God all his life and was so comfortable to the point that when he was finally visited by the Angel Gabriel who stands directly before God to confirm answers to his prayer, he doubted and received a punishment for his doubt/unbelief.
God had to teach him a lesson. Not members of the sanctuary but God himself. Members could clearly see that he was dumb and automatically knew he had encountered God. That alone sent fear into their hearts or humbled them.

But there was a woman, a virgin, a woman named Mary, who would become the mother of our Lord Jesus Christ. In those times, women were not allowed to serve in the temple and were removed far from all priestly duties, but something unique happened in Mary's days. All protocols stood still and the female specie was honored and elevated before God. Think about it. It was kind of a turning point in ministry for all women. 
Women didn't need to be in the temple to receive God's visitation 💃🏽. She was in fact, visited by the Angel Gabriel. She instantly considered the words in her mind and believed it. She had tremendous faith after hearing it and proceeded to visit her Cousin.
This part made me take a pause, think, sit, spin, dance around in tongues. I wonder what other women were busy doing other than doing chores all the time in their husband's house. But Mary wasn't even in a husband's house and yet she received God's call to service. So, women! Do you get the Memo! 

Both parties (Zechariah in the temple and Mary the handmaiden) were indeed blessed and God's word must be fulfilled, whether  we believe in it or not. When we try to stand in the way with our unbelief and over familiarity, we will receive consequential punishment. When we receive God's word, it is important to position ourselves in faith. 
The difference between men and women, in this case, is very clear. Generally speaking, men are more logical and tend to question the "logic in the supernatural", while women are emotional and believe in  the possibilities of anything. 

As a woman, married or unmarried, you have a role. In your home, married women, your husband is favored because of you. The Lord will always freely speak to you because of your heart especially when your husband cannot receive it. It is important for a woman to seek God's face for her family. This is why the woman holds the home and receives the vision for where the home should be, but the man must take the lead. This explains why women can get frustrated when they don't see the picture of what they think it should look like. This is where patience and endurance comes in. Single women, you are a beacon meant to shine light to others, not just on yourself. Enjoy being favored of God until the right one shows up or nah 😜. No big deal right.

Lesson 1: Do not be quick to judge men/women of God, they are God's chosen and whatever they learn, they learn directly from God. God is capable of either temporarily or permanently punishing them as He deems fit).

Lesson 2: Women are swift to hear and adept to believe words. It is both our strength and weakness. Because of Mary's faith in what the Lord said, she was indeed blessed.

Once again, Pastor Dupe, you are loved and cherished. I celebrate you greatly for the faith you have demonstrated and following God whole heartedly.

Live, Love, Laugh
Kemi Gwan.