Wednesday, June 7, 2017


Hello there my lovelies,

I am so delighted to be blogging again after this long but short break. I thank God for the blessing and the inspiration to write at all. Special thanks to my loving husband, for always diligently reading, editing and encouraging me to do this. A big thank you to each and everyone of you for your patience and consistence, likes and comments. A special shout out to those who will read this and make an effort to forgive a hurt. A wonderful thank you to my Pastor friend who poured so much into me and helped me overcome a hurt. I am liberated and blessed to have such powerful friends and mentors in my life.

Today, I really want to talk about the power of the mind akin to forgiveness. Yes, mostly because I blog about my experiences as I grow. So enjoy!!!!! 

As humans I think our ability to forget almost anything is inevitable. It is no wonder we are liable to  experience chaos. Most of the chaos we encounter starts from a faulty mind unfortunately. 
A child is soon to forget a parent's costly sacrifice. A spouse in a moment of sadness forgets and momentarily wipes out all the good that the partner represents. An organization in a heartbeat would fire an individual for a misdemeanor, sometimes forgetting all the hard labor invested in time past. 
I often wondered about the Israelites in the Holy Book, why they forgot so easily all of the tremendous signs that God showed them. Forgetting is part of the human race and I am at a critical and interesting place of understanding this phenomenon all over again. It is great to give oneself to learning. You just never stop. 

I think our memory is like a curse that seethes through and is designed to master-- rough, tough, bad, sad, rash, harsh conditions. It is also designed to enjoy really good times, capturing flawless memoirs. However, a great time down the line can drown a good time and the mind forgets so easily a good time once shared or experienced. The mind and the memory are like stacks of experiences. No wonder it is imperative to renew the mind. 

Forgiving requires forgetting. It is not magic. It is not impossible. It is the power of the mind. Do you know you are just one decision away from letting go, or doing anything at all?
You know how your alarm rings in the morning and you make a decision to get up or not, shower and get dressed to go to work. It's like making a necessary choice to get up, though you feel like sleeping in a bit more. 

There are so many people that will require us to be generous with our forgiveness either we like it or not. I am quite an emotional person myself and I hurt when I shouldn't sometimes.... anyway.. forgiveness is a necessary practice for me. 
There are relationships, for instance...

PARENTAL: this relationship I say has the strongest bond. However, there are so many gifts and flaws in this relationship. Either in the way that you are raised or sometimes, the decisions made or enforced. Some of them are to blame for how we turned out and we are sometimes filled with anger, disappointment, frustration and even hatred. 

SPOUSAL: this relationship is one with the strongest emotion. Very thin line between love and hate, appreciation and resentment, respect and the lack of it. Living with a spouse you didn't grow up with, suggests the most challenge and sometimes these flaws lead to separations, divorces and sometimes death. 

CORDIAL: this relationship is the easiest kind. It is often based on interest or the lack of it. All the parties are responsible for the outcome. There are also many advantages and flaws in this relationships. Sometimes envy, jealousy and unwarranted competitions are seeds sown amongst these relationships, which can lead to the end. This could be a platonic friendship, a business relationship, a work related relationship and religious relationships.

These relationship types above are general examples of what we are constantly surrounded by. There are others not listed of course, like extended families, siblings and in-laws. All these relationships are vital as long as you live. You cannot avoid some type of conflict at some point in your life. The world is a relational place and so the constant abrasions are a norm.

I have had to, and still will, deal with conflicts and some of them were difficult because, honestly sometimes, the mind enjoys the hurt. It's very hard to put it to words. Your mind remembers and you decide: "there is no way I am forgiving that!" Truthfully and thankfully, every time I made the decision to forgive, it was genuine and I was free instantly. I even find that I could relate with the person without worrying about being hurt again... 

It is a choice, a decision to forget completely. Remember I stated above that the mind forgets. What you don't hold on to, you don't remember. This is practically how God forgets our sins. He forgets them and wipes them off completely. We are made to be just like Him and I am enjoying this particular attribute. Also, forgiveness is the only price we pay to obtain forgiveness from God.

Perhaps there are quite a number of decisions you need to make today. Be gracious and generous to release some folks today. I promise you, they don't need to ask before you give it. It is why it's FORE-give. It is something you should give ahead of time before you're asked. It's like foreseeing.. 

Understanding helps to forgive. 

Remembering the good helps to forgive.

The Mind is a Power House, do not waste it! 

I AM FREE!! YaaaY Me!

Live, Love, Laugh
Kemi Gwan.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017


Hey there lovelies!

Today, we are going to do something very different. Well, not so different from what I used to do here... Anyway, I am going to spend my time admiring the husband the Lord gave to me. No, it's not Valentine's but I am going to take time loving the numerous reasons why John was the chosen one and why that matters every single minute of my life. 

He probably doesn't even know that I took a pause at some point yesterday in deep thought just admitting how much of a genius I married. His genius is almost always masked under his humility, so it is the hardest thing to see until you hear him speak. Which is actually one of the things that attracted and endeared me to him. His wisdom is of no class (I am not blowing things out of proportion). His kindness is second to none. His patience is my nemesis, literally. Haha

We both can be perfectionists but his leniency teaches me everyday to become a better person and to be more selfless as I grow. My husband is a Computer guru(I can't stand coding), but he is passionate about it. It is a blessing to watch him soar higher in his career. He knows what He wants and I watch how He accomplishes these things. With my help as his partner, I can only hope to make it a smooth process.

I mean as much as I can be a woman of my own, I can't help but wonder what He actually sees in me. You know that 'I can do bad all by myself' euphoria that we often get, well sometimes I get in my single motherhood zone and even take for granted the need for a partner. You know to be honest, it feels like all of a sudden, I am aware of this power house that lives with me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate him but this awareness is what helps a woman genuinely RESPECT her husband. I am dancing in excitement because I know I needed this one.🙈

I am a creative camera in this moment capturing this appreciation I feel and I just must pen this one. There are many ways I can demonstrate this to my hubby of course, but the writer in me can't help but be intrigued by the art of the moment. Nostalgic to say the least.

Still on the hubz though. One of his gifts is teaching. I am yet to meet anyone as sound as my husband when he teaches. Our children benefit from this gift and of course when I humble myself, I always learn from it... 😂😂🤣🤣. He always seems to mean well for me of course, after all, you represent the Gwan family; He says! I guess you can already picture the agree to disagree moments. Thankfully I never have to deal with violence with my hubby. Hmmmmn... I went there 😜🙊.

(Hehe, this caption though)

I want to believe that when we stop appreciating people or seeing with the eyes of understanding who and what they are, we abuse them consciously or not. You can flip this either way, man or woman. The abuse of a gift becomes inevitable when understanding is lacking. I remember when I thought I had no value because I was mistreated and abused. Little did I know that my pearl was only cast to swines. 
If you must be valued, you must place value in the deciding whom you give yourself to. Not just that, value whom you are given to in return. Valuing each other in a relationship is enough spice to keep your romance fresh. 

The little things that my husband does is my romance. Running the bath water or caring for the kids... I realize how blessed I am to be married to such an Angel. I realize that if I spend more time aligning, I would have transformed to the woman God wants me to be. Sometimes it's hard to see when I spend time trying to prove that I have a voice and I want to have my way. This thought process is exactly what any marriage needs, to see as one. It is always easier said than done, but with prayers and the right mindset, success is undeniable.

One time, the female young adults at my Church had this intimate discussion and my Pastor Toyin broke down Ephesians 5:33 to us when thinking or speaking of RESPECT. I have marked in red the responsibility of a woman when it comes to submission. It is not subjugation and it has absolutely nothing to do with being feminist. It is a clear duty of Love and I for one remind myself of my duty daily. The truth is nothing matters to a man, especially my own husband more than his respect. Respect means a whole lot as we grow into marriage.

 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

My husband and I are mostly opposites in persona but very alike than we know it. He is the strength to my weakness and I his. I celebrate my King today. I am awed by your love daily. 
I just hope to do more as long as I live. I see and celebrate all of his strengths and weaknesses, for choosing to be vulnerable with me and for trusting me enough to walk with me. My husband is the only man besides my late dad and my brother and my sons(LOL) that I know that can tolerate my excesses and for that I am GRATEFUL.

So, dearest woman, take a moment to appreciate that man for every moment he has loved you and tolerated ALL of YOU!

Enjoy Breathe by Bez ft Simi.

Live, Love, Laugh

Kemi Gwan.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017


First I'd like to celebrate my savior, the one who welded my destiny and crowned it with a voice to all nations. I celebrate the death and the resurrection of our Lord Jesus, for without that sacrifice, I would be damned! Literally! So I declare Him my worthy King 👑 this Easter. 

So, in that Spirit, I wanted to share freely and celebrate everyone of you for reading, commenting and even reaching out during the course of last week till now. I realize that my blog last week opened me up to a new reality. A reality that I can go through the storms of life with my head up and some tears even, but still, I'm winning. Most times I am like the animal who marks its territory within close proximity to avoid preys or danger. I realize that there is no true courage until you are faced with your worst fear. 

In fact there is no next level until you have absolutely endured a test and made it through. I for one had to repent a lot these past few weeks because I realize that I hold on when God wants me to let go and I give up when He wants me to hold on.. In the face of frustration, I tend to chicken out and just give up hope. Thank God for a partner who is just the opposite of me. Beyond my weakness, I realized something special also, I have been given Grace to confront issues that arise no matter how difficult they seem. That's the courage that comes from knowing the Lord.

You might be wondering why things seem a little gloomy 😔. Your confidence zapped out and you have no idea how to continue. I assure you, it is the tiny droplets that amount to a mighty fountain. You might even say, I have a dream and I should be living that dream. The truth is, you are living that dream by walking the process. Everything, your strength, your weakness, the process, the disappointments, the highs and lows are all working together. If you ever doubt that, be reminded right now. You are not a failure.. your plans may fail, but you ought to trust that you can try multiple times if you are ready. 

I am in my process, and nothing is more important than the decision I make today, right now, this moment. The decision I make right now will affect two, five years from today. Sometimes we worry so hard about tomorrow that we forget to put in our best today. A forgiveness, mercy, kindness and love sown today will reap multiple fruits tomorrow.

I challenge you to live today, smile today, try again today.. give that marriage another try today, give your spouse another try today.. take it one step at a time today. Give that education a shot. Think it through today. Your decision today affects tomorrow. Once again, we are responsible for our choices. Respond with positivity even when everything around you points in the opposite direction.

I guess, this is testament that I am wayyyyy better than where I was last week Wednesday. I can almost taste the feeling of that depressed state. And compare to where I am sitting and typing with all smiles on my face, you would see that Life is built with a gift for each day, if we look hard enough. It might not appear great but if you are sensitive enough, you'll know it's all working together for your good.

Listen to Happy by Pharrell...

Live, Love, Laugh a lot Today!

Kemi Gwan.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017


Happy April readers!
I was about to call it a night on this blessed Wednesday when I realized I had not posted today. I had not posted because I had too much going on personally that I had to deal with. Don't we all? 😩😌

With tears running down my cheeks, I was encapsulated in moments of anger and deep frustration because I had been mostly misunderstood, ill-treated or not heard. Moments of extreme darkness like my childhood dream, where I was falling endlessly with no light in sight. 

This picture I painted is what anger and bitterness does to the soul. You carry it and everything around you becomes infested until it dies. A small seed germinates and becomes a living tree that has taken root. You wonder if there is ever a soul that listens. Even prayers seem not to work. As humans we can be overwhelmingly sweet and bitter. We possess the power to create and destroy. It is with this mindset that I write tonight. 

It is so much easy to keep pretending that I am whole or to be honest and keep picking the broken pieces of my life one after the other. I realize that life is too short to dwell on the hurts I feel or the moments I feel slighted and undermined. A little voice inside my head screams for the light even at my weakest. I want to be daring, I want to be strong but I am just another girl, yes powerful, yet so fragile.  

Perhaps, you are one like me, who seeks to please everyone and in the end feels the most rejection. You seek to have a friend but you just end up getting hurt. But you know recently, God started dealing with all that within. Stripped me away from my comfort zone and showed me my true self. I was shocked at how foolish I could be, thinking that a million friendship could satisfy or heal me and how much more I still have to learn...#BigSigh

I am woman like you and I need to be seen, held and reminded and cheered up unto the finish line in this man's world. Yea, so I think.. Maybe all that shouldn't be my focus.
No, I don't want to be bitter and angry all the time, just given a little credit and be listened to I say.. still arrant nonsense.. Maybe, I got it all wrong! Maybe, just maybe I am not focusing my energy right.

These are the rambling thoughts we often struggle with, maybe yours might be slightly different, but this is my reality right now. I don't know who this might help but know that you are not alone in this world and that seasons come and go! First comes darkness and then there's light. First comes the hurt and bitterness then comes forgiveness and healing. I realize the happiest people aren't those without offenses or frustration but those who acknowledge offenses for what they are and master control over it.

As a woman, I am telling myself today I am enough, I am beautiful, I am special! I will wear this light like it is the last thing I must today. I would have won this battle if there was no tomorrow,  just because I chose to celebrate this moment of light! This moment where I recognize that I am not without flaws and I am imperfect,  yet I choose to forgive all this hurt and let go every bitterness in exchange for light.

Dear woman, inhale, exhale and choose to win! That is the power you and I share! The power to carry light and walk light. Exchange every baggage for something lighter. We forgive not because we are better than those who offend us but because we hope to receive the same fair treatment when we err against others. 

Dearest woman! Take a moment and pride yourself in your serenity today. Perhaps, it is a little flawed, then I dare you to let go and breathe freely like I am right now. We are not promised a forever but we are promised eternity. And I promise you, the people we care about the most possess the power to hurt us the most. So, you see, you must carry enough light for all these special people. 

You all are my WCW today!

Listen if you can to India Arie's I am Light.

Live the best you can while loving all and never forget to laugh out loud. 

Kemi Gwan 

Wednesday, March 29, 2017


Today as we wrap up on women in ministry, I want to give a special shout out to all mothers, all women that represent the future, you are celebrated. To all the women who work hard to serve in God's vineyard, I truly pray that the Lord our rewarder will bless us indeed!
A special thank you to all my readers around the Globe, you make this page heart warming for me. So much love in my heart for y'all.

I wanted to share something about the heart of man(male and female). The heart is the most important part of the body. It works hard pumping oxygenated blood to and from the valves and arteries to all the parts of the body. Life ceases when the heart stops beating, so you see why it is the most important. 

If you have an idea, it might probably start from the head, but the heart is what will manage the birthing character of its success. Whatever actions we display starts from the heart. Thoughts and emotions are filtered through the heart. Hence, it must be guarded at all cost. One wrong misguided thought in the heart can destroy an entire race.

Women, let's analyze a woman like us, Michal, King Saul's daughter..

“As the ark of the Lord came into the City of David, Michal, Saul's daughter [David's wife], looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, and she despised him in her heart.”
2 Samuel 6:16 AMPC

The heart is no respecter of persons 😊. Royalty or pauper, everyone has a heart, which makes us very equal. Michal was royalty, but was obviously not privy to how to teach her heart or guide it with pleasantries. Just like her father, Saul, she seemed to have a problem celebrating others. She despised her own husband(I had to pause to think about my husband). Have I ever despised my husband for doing something I am not accustomed to? This is very dangerous! Lord help me and forgive me if I have.

The heart is a place you train hard to focus on good not evil. The heart of man(male and female) is a battle ground. Good and evil battle to prevail per second and without something positive filtering through, the opposite of positive lurks around to take predominance. 

Now verse 20: “Then David returned to bless his household. And [his wife] Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, How glorious was the king of Israel today, who stripped himself of his kingly robes and uncovered himself in the eyes of his servants' maids as one of the worthless fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”
2 Samuel 6:20 AMPC

Michal's heart is revealed. She couldn't hide what had taken place in her heart. She had become that thought. Most of the time, we are what we do. Either consciously or unconsciously, we are what we think, say and practically do.
The heart is where God's judgement takes place. He focuses on the choice we make per time. Our choices first takes place in the unseen place, the heart, before it manifests physically. 

Understanding the heart should be everyone's priority, since it is what matters to God.
For me, I have my struggles and sometimes I break down at the thoughts I struggle with. Sometimes, I wonder why they are there in the first place. Like why can't I just be pure? 😭. That question is not as pertinent as the choice as I make though. So, right back to reality!
I used to justify my lash outs because I thought it was better than bearing a grudge in my heart. Half the time, what I say during those lash outs are unrealistic and untrue but they come out anyway and do damages. While it is true that grudges are just as bad, it is still a matter of discipline and training what the heart is permitted to filter through and how we handle the outcome.

Now, take a minute at your desk, or on your bed. Touch your heart and say a prayer for your heart. If you fumbled today, then tomorrow is another day. What you allow into your heart really matters and will dictate your future. 

For Michal: it was a very very sad ending.

“And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.”
2 Samuel 6:23 AMPC

This is what despising others and hate can do to a person's soul. Some people have suffered and might still suffer the consequences of not guarding their heart to the Light of Love. The heart is our responsibility, not God's. 
Out of our hearts flows the issues of LIFE! Are you doing the guarding daily? 


Live, Love, Laugh 

Kemi Gwan.