Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Hey there lovelies!
Today, we are going to do something very different. Well, not so different from what I used to do here... Anyway, I am going to spend my time admiring the husband the Lord gave to me. No, it's not Valentine's but I am going to take time loving the numerous reasons why John was the chosen one and why that matters every single minute of my life.
He probably doesn't even know that I took a pause at some point yesterday in deep thought just admitting how much of a genius I married. His genius is almost always masked under his humility, so it is the hardest thing to see until you hear him speak. Which is actually one of the things that attracted and endeared me to him. His wisdom is of no class (I am not blowing things out of proportion). His kindness is second to none. His patience is my nemesis, literally. Haha
We both can be perfectionists but his leniency teaches me everyday to become a better person and to be more selfless as I grow. My husband is a Computer guru(I can't stand coding), but he is passionate about it. It is a blessing to watch him soar higher in his career. He knows what He wants and I watch how He accomplishes these things. With my help as his partner, I can only hope to make it a smooth process.
I mean as much as I can be a woman of my own, I can't help but wonder what He actually sees in me. You know that 'I can do bad all by myself' euphoria that we often get, well sometimes I get in my single motherhood zone and even take for granted the need for a partner. You know to be honest, it feels like all of a sudden, I am aware of this power house that lives with me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate him but this awareness is what helps a woman genuinely RESPECT her husband. I am dancing in excitement because I know I needed this one.🙈.
I am a creative camera in this moment capturing this appreciation I feel and I just must pen this one. There are many ways I can demonstrate this to my hubby of course, but the writer in me can't help but be intrigued by the art of the moment. Nostalgic to say the least.
Still on the hubz though. One of his gifts is teaching. I am yet to meet anyone as sound as my husband when he teaches. Our children benefit from this gift and of course when I humble myself, I always learn from it... 😂😂🤣🤣. He always seems to mean well for me of course, after all, you represent the Gwan family; He says! I guess you can already picture the agree to disagree moments. Thankfully I never have to deal with violence with my hubby. Hmmmmn... I went there 😜🙊.
(Hehe, this caption though)
I want to believe that when we stop appreciating people or seeing with the eyes of understanding who and what they are, we abuse them consciously or not. You can flip this either way, man or woman. The abuse of a gift becomes inevitable when understanding is lacking. I remember when I thought I had no value because I was mistreated and abused. Little did I know that my pearl was only cast to swines.
If you must be valued, you must place value in the deciding whom you give yourself to. Not just that, value whom you are given to in return. Valuing each other in a relationship is enough spice to keep your romance fresh.
The little things that my husband does is my romance. Running the bath water or caring for the kids... I realize how blessed I am to be married to such an Angel. I realize that if I spend more time aligning, I would have transformed to the woman God wants me to be. Sometimes it's hard to see when I spend time trying to prove that I have a voice and I want to have my way. This thought process is exactly what any marriage needs, to see as one. It is always easier said than done, but with prayers and the right mindset, success is undeniable.
One time, the female young adults at my Church had this intimate discussion and my Pastor Toyin broke down Ephesians 5:33 to us when thinking or speaking of RESPECT. I have marked in red the responsibility of a woman when it comes to submission. It is not subjugation and it has absolutely nothing to do with being feminist. It is a clear duty of Love and I for one remind myself of my duty daily. The truth is nothing matters to a man, especially my own husband more than his respect. Respect means a whole lot as we grow into marriage.
My husband and I are mostly opposites in persona but very alike than we know it. He is the strength to my weakness and I his. I celebrate my King today. I am awed by your love daily.
I just hope to do more as long as I live. I see and celebrate all of his strengths and weaknesses, for choosing to be vulnerable with me and for trusting me enough to walk with me. My husband is the only man besides my late dad and my brother and my sons(LOL) that I know that can tolerate my excesses and for that I am GRATEFUL.
So, dearest woman, take a moment to appreciate that man for every moment he has loved you and tolerated ALL of YOU!
Enjoy Breathe by Bez ft Simi.
Live, Love, Laugh
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
First I'd like to celebrate my savior, the one who welded my destiny and crowned it with a voice to all nations. I celebrate the death and the resurrection of our Lord Jesus, for without that sacrifice, I would be damned! Literally! So I declare Him my worthy King 👑 this Easter.
So, in that Spirit, I wanted to share freely and celebrate everyone of you for reading, commenting and even reaching out during the course of last week till now. I realize that my blog last week opened me up to a new reality. A reality that I can go through the storms of life with my head up and some tears even, but still, I'm winning. Most times I am like the animal who marks its territory within close proximity to avoid preys or danger. I realize that there is no true courage until you are faced with your worst fear.
In fact there is no next level until you have absolutely endured a test and made it through. I for one had to repent a lot these past few weeks because I realize that I hold on when God wants me to let go and I give up when He wants me to hold on.. In the face of frustration, I tend to chicken out and just give up hope. Thank God for a partner who is just the opposite of me. Beyond my weakness, I realized something special also, I have been given Grace to confront issues that arise no matter how difficult they seem. That's the courage that comes from knowing the Lord.
You might be wondering why things seem a little gloomy 😔. Your confidence zapped out and you have no idea how to continue. I assure you, it is the tiny droplets that amount to a mighty fountain. You might even say, I have a dream and I should be living that dream. The truth is, you are living that dream by walking the process. Everything, your strength, your weakness, the process, the disappointments, the highs and lows are all working together. If you ever doubt that, be reminded right now. You are not a failure.. your plans may fail, but you ought to trust that you can try multiple times if you are ready.
I am in my process, and nothing is more important than the decision I make today, right now, this moment. The decision I make right now will affect two, five years from today. Sometimes we worry so hard about tomorrow that we forget to put in our best today. A forgiveness, mercy, kindness and love sown today will reap multiple fruits tomorrow.
I challenge you to live today, smile today, try again today.. give that marriage another try today, give your spouse another try today.. take it one step at a time today. Give that education a shot. Think it through today. Your decision today affects tomorrow. Once again, we are responsible for our choices. Respond with positivity even when everything around you points in the opposite direction.
I guess, this is testament that I am wayyyyy better than where I was last week Wednesday. I can almost taste the feeling of that depressed state. And compare to where I am sitting and typing with all smiles on my face, you would see that Life is built with a gift for each day, if we look hard enough. It might not appear great but if you are sensitive enough, you'll know it's all working together for your good.
Listen to Happy by Pharrell...
Live, Love, Laugh a lot Today!
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Happy April readers!
I was about to call it a night on this blessed Wednesday when I realized I had not posted today. I had not posted because I had too much going on personally that I had to deal with. Don't we all? 😩😌
With tears running down my cheeks, I was encapsulated in moments of anger and deep frustration because I had been mostly misunderstood, ill-treated or not heard. Moments of extreme darkness like my childhood dream, where I was falling endlessly with no light in sight.
This picture I painted is what anger and bitterness does to the soul. You carry it and everything around you becomes infested until it dies. A small seed germinates and becomes a living tree that has taken root. You wonder if there is ever a soul that listens. Even prayers seem not to work. As humans we can be overwhelmingly sweet and bitter. We possess the power to create and destroy. It is with this mindset that I write tonight.
It is so much easy to keep pretending that I am whole or to be honest and keep picking the broken pieces of my life one after the other. I realize that life is too short to dwell on the hurts I feel or the moments I feel slighted and undermined. A little voice inside my head screams for the light even at my weakest. I want to be daring, I want to be strong but I am just another girl, yes powerful, yet so fragile.
Perhaps, you are one like me, who seeks to please everyone and in the end feels the most rejection. You seek to have a friend but you just end up getting hurt. But you know recently, God started dealing with all that within. Stripped me away from my comfort zone and showed me my true self. I was shocked at how foolish I could be, thinking that a million friendship could satisfy or heal me and how much more I still have to learn...#BigSigh
I am woman like you and I need to be seen, held and reminded and cheered up unto the finish line in this man's world. Yea, so I think.. Maybe all that shouldn't be my focus.
No, I don't want to be bitter and angry all the time, just given a little credit and be listened to I say.. still arrant nonsense.. Maybe, I got it all wrong! Maybe, just maybe I am not focusing my energy right.
These are the rambling thoughts we often struggle with, maybe yours might be slightly different, but this is my reality right now. I don't know who this might help but know that you are not alone in this world and that seasons come and go! First comes darkness and then there's light. First comes the hurt and bitterness then comes forgiveness and healing. I realize the happiest people aren't those without offenses or frustration but those who acknowledge offenses for what they are and master control over it.
As a woman, I am telling myself today I am enough, I am beautiful, I am special! I will wear this light like it is the last thing I must today. I would have won this battle if there was no tomorrow, just because I chose to celebrate this moment of light! This moment where I recognize that I am not without flaws and I am imperfect, yet I choose to forgive all this hurt and let go every bitterness in exchange for light.
Dear woman, inhale, exhale and choose to win! That is the power you and I share! The power to carry light and walk light. Exchange every baggage for something lighter. We forgive not because we are better than those who offend us but because we hope to receive the same fair treatment when we err against others.
Dearest woman! Take a moment and pride yourself in your serenity today. Perhaps, it is a little flawed, then I dare you to let go and breathe freely like I am right now. We are not promised a forever but we are promised eternity. And I promise you, the people we care about the most possess the power to hurt us the most. So, you see, you must carry enough light for all these special people.
You all are my WCW today!
Listen if you can to India Arie's I am Light.
Live the best you can while loving all and never forget to laugh out loud.