REAL ROMANCE - Part 1

In light of the recently passed Mother’s Day, I figured I’d start with the African woman. I must say I celebrate the knowledge and strength that most of the women in our generation exude. It shows that we have come a very long way from being relegated, subjugated and unheard! Women are powerfully taking strides and a big thanks to the women who paved the way for us! We do not take your sacrifices for granted. It is from this perspective that I humbly write and one day will speak about the importance of paving easier roads for our sons and daughters.

Ever heard the saying that African men are unromantic?

Well, here is my first honest answer. They had/have “unromantic-unaffectionate” mothers!

Show me an affectionate African man and I will point you his mother 😉🤷🏽‍♀️.

What the men lack, the women continue to crave.



My narrative is from the African culture’s perspective. It is a bit personal. Personal in the sense that I watched my Parent’s generation closely (like I was in the know) and then a bit of mine.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this topic please..🤔

I learned over time and I have seen that in Africa, the affection infused into the average male child is provision in terms of money, education, security and power, while the average female-child is forced/taught to serve him and look to him for survival (this is not true in every female’s case…but the majority).

In history, the African woman is nothing short of a goddess in my opinion, full of energy and power. However, circumstances forced her to cope and become tough! Her survival instincts took over her ability to show pure affection. The African woman taught her sons to become kings and from the knowledge passed down from her ancestors she thrived to raise giants! Mostly, the African woman had to strive to please one man in the midst of other women; her co-wives, where envy and jealousy dictated the course of her emotional well-being. She was sometimes battered and neglected, but still drove her sons to be mostly preferred, and often  forgot to teach her sons to CARE for the most delicate part of him - HER, a woman! 

I am also forced to think about the African woman slave in America, who had to endure the hardship of being thought of as a second class human. Her emotions were reduced to anxious survival rather than peaceful affection. Her children didn't have the best of her, but she survived! She did the best she could in the hardest way possible. While, I am not focusing on the skin color today, I am painting a picture of what makes the African woman tough. Why she is often misunderstood. Why she seems so fierce when she doesn't intend to... her affection was forcefully taken over by the need to become an acceptable human in the world of men...

One day, the white-man invented television's romance and I think they messed up what African folks had going for them 😂. Do not hate on me for this… I am cracking myself up already.

But for real, if provision and survival were truly enough, why are my African women all over the world struggling and craving to be heard, loved, seen, accepted, touched and romanced?? There is a disconnect. Something has been passed down. If you were given time machine to use, you would marvel at what the women had to endure. It is rich but also broken.. It is the unspoken brokenness that lives in our genes..

As a young girl, I often wondered why my late dad found it difficult to hug us as children many years ago. He loved us and I knew very much that he would give his life for us but he just couldn't bring himself to hold and touch his own wife and children. Some of my friends would attest to this very thing. All that changed when we relocated to America years ago of course and I realized that affection can be taught and also learned..

Many of our mothers remained married but also remained unhappy because of this unspoken problem. They endured marriage but didn't enjoy it. It made it difficult for them to share their happiness because there was none to share. After all, you can't give what you don't have. All they had to share was their pain and endurance in marriage. 

So, ladies are we just gullible and craving for what we see on TV? Is Romantic affection real? Did coming to America change me? Can romance/affection be taught to our sons and daughters? These are some of the questions I have for this first part...

Enjoy!

#RealRomance

Kemi Gwan.