THE "CRAMPY" WOMAN: Cramping your way through periods & pregnancy.

As soon as I watched this video by the comedian Iliza, shared by my wonderful hubby (he loves comedy), I knew what I wanted to talk about this week.

This one will have you all thinking, laughing, almost feeling pity for our gender as women.

Is every woman “Crampy”?  Sort of 🤷🏾‍♀️

Menstrual cramps happen due to contractions in the uterus or womb, which is a muscle. Long story short, it’s a muscle and if for some weird reason the oxygen supply to the blood vessels surrounding the uterus are in short supply, you will be cramping for a day or two or the entire time, depending on your body. 

That was BIOLOGY!

Now to REALITY!

PERIODS HURT !

But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

I remember when I first got my period. I was maybe 12 or 13. There was a tradition for the female child when she gets her period. I don’t know if it’s still being followed or if my parents just tricked me... lol.

But anyway, I woke up that morning with a stain of blood in my panty.   

Where I come from- #Nigeria #NaijaBabe 🇳🇬#YorubaPrincess #MamaAfrica (waves flag🇳🇬) my dad explained, one must kill a cock and have it for dinner, on the day your oldest daughter becomes a woman.

WHATTTTTT? 😳

If you grew up in my corner of Nigeria, you probably experienced this bizarre ritual. I even think my parents violated the ordinance and killed a hen instead. I ate it though. The delicious chicken certainly made the cramps hurt a bit less. 

I also went to a female-only boarding school where I saw different experiences of the female specie. Oh boy! You could almost cry for some ladies during their periods. 

A senior of mine would practically pass out when she got her period. Very intense. Some had terrible cramps that Doctors diagnosed would not reduce until child birth.. 😳😳

🙆🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️ I mean what the heck..

True, there are no long-term consequences of menstrual cramps, except your mood can swing from 1 to -10 within an hour for no reason but the cramps. You snap, cry and crave chocolate. Do you know I literally ate a whole cup of gelato on this period 🤦🏾‍♀️. No chill!

Anyway, Since my teen days, I have managed a period and also managed to push out two healthy baby boys. 

I remember a friend of mine who told me her husband literally passed out while she pushed her daughter through those tiny vaginal walls. 

So there is a slight difference between your period cramp and the pregnancy cramp. Actually, this information is for those who haven’t given birth to a child yet.. ha ha. 

On the 9th day of September, I was strapped like a cow, my thighs were gallantly separated, expanded for the baby I had been bouncing back and forth with in my belly to make his way out of my precious oven. 

My blood pressure had been fluctuating so my Doctor felt it was time for an induction since the Baby was 39wks and 5 days.. 

Soon, I felt this warm water beneath my bum, next thing I know I was feeling painful cramps right. Pretty similar to the period cramps but way more painful. I felt like a thousand needles were being pressed deep into my skin simultaneously 🙅🏽‍♀️. Full disclosure: My husband thinks I have an irrational fear of needles.

After several hours of monitoring and a failed epidural(took it too late or something).. didn’t work for me- The nurse came and did her normal check and saw that baby’s head was almost falling out.. hehe. 

They all came rushing.. 

Push..

Push...

And there came Baby Emmanuel, 9lbs, 3oz, 21.75 long. 

All the Doctors and nurses were amazed that I just pushed a giant of a baby for my first pregnancy. The baby had them all fooled. They kept saying he was going to be about 7lbs, but oh well.. he came out extra extra large. 

Next phase, as they tried to sew me back up, they realized I had lost too much blood. I passed out and had no pulse for a few minutes. I practically died that day and was brought back to life. I was revived and spent the next 3 days in the ICU. So yeah.. you’re all witnesses to my resurrection story. 🙏🏾👏🏾☝🏾

Baby number 2 was easier actually. 

Guess what? 

I drank my strawberry and banana smoothie, berry smoothies and carried a jug of water every where I went. 

Being pregnant in the summer will make you Crampy- well any time really, but especially the summer. I was pregnant in the summer with both babies. I would sit naked on my rocking chair... and have the fan... haha. Anyhow... nothing like a fresh breeze on your naked, pregnant body, on a hot summer day.

I look back and I have the utmost respect for my mom. The birth of my first child, Emmanuel, changed my relationship with my mom. Prior to that, we were like frienemies (friendly enemies). I was just purely a daddy’s girl. But today, I am my mama’s girl. We talk practically every day. Though she’s hit meno'stop' now, I just have this respect knowing she did it! She made it through the ferocious menstrual cramps and three episodes of pregnancy cramps. 

Are you looking forward to a “Crampy” lifestyle? 

Lol.. well, all the best! 

We are in this together, one cramp at a time! Don’t forget your chocolate and ice cream.. 

On a more serious note though, during your period;

• Drink water 
• Avoid caffeine and salt 
• Avoid alcohol 
• EXERCISE! (Ladies don’t like this). 

It is important to feel great during your period especially if you have longer periods. You can reduce the risk of a crappy mood if you eat well, exercise and be emotionally healthy. 

Or well just take it like a woman! 

Comfort yourself in the knowledge that all over the world, women of all races, nationalities, religions, political affiliations, professions, and causes; are feeling the same pain you are feeling. Thumbs up 👍🏽 to all the men who will forever partake in the aftermath of a periodic cramp!