SORRY..

There is a distinction in each child’s emotion and their graceful little way of expressing it.

When children are upset, there are some who gravitate towards you, some who feel better after you say sorry, some would avoid you and go to the next safe person and there are those who cry themselves to sleep.

Interestingly these emotional traits develop into adulthood. If no one teaches us how to handle our emotions properly, we end up being poor managers of our emotions. In life, we would always be at the mercy of sorry. You’re either saying it, receiving it or waiting for it forever .

I remember when I was a child, my brother and I were masters of mischief. I don’t quite remember what it was that we’d done to get into my mom’s trouble, but we knew we were in trouble. Time progressed into the night and we were shocked that she didn’t spank us. I mean she served us a delicious meal, the whole nine yards of nice treat. So we thought we’d escaped being spanked.

In the middle of the night, I was visited with multiple strokes of the cane. (If your mom did this, you’re probably African ). I was terribly angry that she’d waited until I fell asleep to do something so outrageously smart. 🤣

Anyway, the morning came and I wanted to prove how angry I was by avoiding her.

To my utmost shock, my mom called me out during devotion, asked me to kneel and say good morning. That day I learned that no matter how hurt I was, I still had to kneel and say good morning to my parents. I had to learn to forgive without thinking about it..

Maybe my story doesn’t quite paint the picture for you, but to a degree you have to admit that forgiveness is a learned skill. It is not acquired from birth, but a skill that’s to be taught to children and a skill that adults must remember to teach themselves.

What category do you find yourself? Some of us need to hear SORRY to let go of a hurt, but in reality the sorry might never surface because they’re not your parents who hurriedly picked you up to say sorry when you were a child.

If you are married or single, please understand that you might be paired with someone that hasn’t learned the skill of saying sorry. If you wait for a sorry that’ll never come, you will soon start to resent the lover and you become the hater. 

Y’all know I like to be personal in my stories. I personally feel better after one sorry. However, when I got married(my hubby doesn’t know I’m sharing this ), I realized that he wasn’t the sorry kinda guy until he has evidence that he was truly wrong(a day that might never come right..). Meanwhile, me being a lawyer in my past life would dissect the matter just to hear him say sorry  because I am a natural sorry-giver. Time and energy wasted.. smh.

Anyhow, I had to consciously teach myself to forgive my husband without hearing the word sorry. This is not to excuse that he has to learn but the fact that I could spend my time developing myself rather than pick point at a standard that isn’t his cup of tea.

I learned a new skill and now it’s easy..

Have you learned the skill of saying sorry or moving on without one?

It is time for you to connect with the child in you.. discover that child.. figure out your emotional habit and then correct it and get better at building a relatable character.

Here are some emotional tantrums we display as adults.. they might remind you of your childhood..

• Stonewalling:you build a wall around your heart, very impenetrable.
• Silent treatment: you stop talking on purpose.
• Malice: you think of hurting them
• Nagging: you complain rather than discuss the hurt.
• Lashing out: you burst out in anger saying things you didn’t mean to say
• Hitting: you get violent

At the end of the day, we are never truly different from children. You are still a child inside who either runs away or toward a hurting situation and who is inclined to a Sorry!

Kemi Gwan.